Licensed to Kill

What a week!  What a journey!  This was the 9^th and final week of Fall 2012 Bikram Yoga Teacher Training.  As I’m writing this, I’m already reflecting on my life before this, during this, and simultaneously looking forward to how this experience has changed my life “eventually or in the future.” It felt like this day, the end of training, our graduation, would never arrive and now that it has, I have mixed emotions.  There have been countless highs and lows over these past couple of months.  I am ready, beyond ready for training to be over but at the same time I've made so many wonderful friends here and I'm going to miss them.  It's going to be a big change from seeing people for 18 hours a day to once a year at best.  (Though, making friends around the world definitely has it's perks!)

Friday night we had the most amazing yoga class I’ve ever taken.  It was our last class at TT so naturally that stirred up some emotions.  Despite not being able to take photos in the hot room, people were running around everywhere with their cameras and smart phones snapping pictures left and right.  The energy during that class was insane.  Apparently, it’s a well-known phenomenon with the locals about just how great the final class is so everyone shows up.  When I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE!  We literally had less than an inch between our mats because there were so many guests.  Just imagine, 443 trainees, all of our teachers and staff, PLUS additional parents, spouses, brothers, sisters, friends and random yogis in the community who came to the ballroom at the Radisson solely for this class.  It was unexplainable.  The energy was through the roof.  We showed up, all 443 of us wearing black, all black, nothing but black.  This ‘yogi in black’ concept was symbolic of all of us united as one but it had an additional bonus… you see, when Bikram teaches, he always calls people out by referring to them as “boss” for guys or “miss pink/blue/leopard/etc” for the girls. Now, when each and every one of us is wearing the same color, “miss black” could mean any one of us!  Hilarious.  He told us he loved the surprise even though it looked like we were all attending a Hindi funeral. 

With Boss himself before our final class

We all decided to screw the line assignments for our last class.  I was in the center of the 4^th row, squished between who else but my yoga husband and wife - Laura and Lascel. The room was hot, hot, hot.  It was a long and hard class.  Practicing between my two yoga loves and knowing full well that this would be the last time for quite awhile, well, it was bittersweet.  The class itself was just something that I can’t really put into words but the best part was the end, and that is even more difficult for outsiders to understand.  The final part of a yoga class is Savasana.  It’s where each person lies down on their mat and absorbs the benefits of the class.  After we finished breathing, Bikram had the staff turn off the lights.  Instead of the final savasana, the disco ball started spinning, the music was playing loudly, the silly string was being sprayed all over the hot room.  This was only the backdrop of everything else that was going on… lots of smiles, hugs, kisses, tears, and laughs.  Some people were even passed out on the floor, just glad that it was over.  Each and every emotion imaginable was flying high in that room.  It was like a ‘slow motion picture’  that no one can comprehend without insider information, and in this scenario, the only ones with that info were the 443 yogis in black.  It was spectacular and surreal.

Yogis in Black

Savasana

In front of Bikram's Orange Chair w/ Lascel

Of course, it wouldn’t be Bikram Yoga Teacher Training without having to stay up until the wee hours of the morning watching Bollywood, so naturally that is what we did after class on Friday to culminate our last night at TT.  The combination of the energy from the class we just took plus knowing that it was the final mandatory, late night, movie fest made it somewhat bearable.  

Saturday was graduation.  The day we had been anxiously awaiting for weeks on end.  It was the day we would receive our certificates and finally and officially be certified Bikram yoga instructors!  I was expecting something big, something exciting, and something that met or even better, exceeded the hype.  Unfortunately, Friday night into Saturday was a bit of a let down.  Actually, it was a dramatic let down.  Friday was so extraordinary and graduation was very anti-climatic.  It was so disorganized, not personal, and less than impressive for something we all had worked so hard for.  I guess I wanted something more to culminate and celebrate our achievements.  What was even more disappointing was that after we received our certificates and got our photos taken with Bikram, anyone of the “poor folk” (AKA – those who had to take out loans because they couldn’t afford the tuition) had to immediately give their certificates back.  There were staff members waiting to collect our certificates back before we even stepped off stage. For the 60 of us who took out loans, we don’t get our official documentation until we pay back our loan in its entirety.  That being said, for me and the other 59 certified and certificateless teachers, we weren’t able to engage in the certificate photos with our groups and in front of the Bikram sign.  It made the whole ceremony feel even less special.  Anyway, that’s neither here nor there and it’s over and done with.  I’m still a teacher regardless.  I still have my ‘License to Kill” even if I don’t actually have the physical proof. 

Licensed to Kill

Graduation Demo Team

Goofballs at Grad

To celebrate, Laura, Lascel and I went back to my room and popped open a bottle of bubbly.  It was our last night together and we made sure to enjoy it.  Laura and I stayed up well past midnight (I think I went to bed at 4:00 am… no Bollywood though!)  We talked for hours.  We laughed and cried.  I mean, it’s not everyday you have to say goodbye to your soul mate!  Only a few short hours later, that’s exactly what we had to do.  Before Laura left, we made a quick trip to Marina del Rey to get some bubble tea.  Then it was back to the hotel to pack up her luggage and head to the airport.  Saying goodbye was so hard, but even harder was watching her walk away not knowing when I’d see her next.  If this sounds like the plot out of a cheesy love story, it’s because it is!  The tears were just streaming down my face as she faded off into the terminal, Canada bound.  I miss you already my love!  “I’m feeling lonely… baby come soon.”

Fun w/ Bubbly

Bubble Tea!!!

As trainees, we have been through so much together.  We understand each other and no one else, not even other teachers from previous trainings can fully understand just what hell and happiness we have each endured over the last 9 weeks.  The reason is that through all of the good times, the bad times, the happy and the sad times, we have ALL gone through it together.  Even the people whose names we don’t know, those people whom we haven’t ever had a conversation, those people we may not really like very much for this reason or that, yes, everyone here has become this great, big family.  That bond is an undying understanding that will only continue to grow through the years.  We will forever be the team of teachers from “Fall 2012Teacher Training.”  Despite our dismay, the Radisson LAX will forever hold a special place in our hearts, even though we might never care to go back there EVER again! Now as teachers, we have so much to look forward to, including about 400 new places to visit to reunite with our new family, our lifelong friends.

Even though our massive 443 person family is something I am thankful to be a part of, there are a few smaller families I will miss immensely:

LUCKY 13 – I feel so LUCKY to have been a part of such an amazing posture clinic group filled with so many wonderful people and an insane amount of love.  You all gave me the courage, strength, and support to get up day in and day out despite my struggles and lack of confidence.  I have grown a tremendous amount and so much of that is because of you all.  For each and every one of you, I am grateful. I have a special place in my heart that will forever me marked with the title “lucky 13.”  That my friends, will NEVER die! Love you all!!!

Lucky 13

We did it guys!

Caramello Sandwich – Laura and Lascel, I honestly don’t know how I would have survived TT without you.  I came here with the intent that I needed to complete 9 weeks to walk away with my certificate.  I ended up walking away with so much more.  You two have been the everlasting light in what was so often a dark hall.  I cannot even begin to describe how sad I am to have to say goodbye.  We have made so many amazing memories, had countless laughs, sang our hearts out to loads of country songs (despite Lascel’s protests), enjoyed who knows how many samples, drank lots and lots of coffee and perhaps eaten even more chocolate.  Above all, we have embarked on the journey of a lifetime.  No, I am not talking about teaching yoga, I am referring to the unequivocal friendship that we have built.  I feel so fortunate to have met such amazing people with whom I connect with on such a deep level.  I have childhood friends, high school friends, college friends, and work friends but never did I imagine that in a matter of weeks, I could make such strong, unwavering friendships which I know will last a lifetime.  In such a short time, I met two of my bestest friends in the whole world.  It might sound silly to some, but I strongly believe in ‘love at first sight’ and this is merely proof.  I FREAKIN’ LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

Caramello Sandwich :)

Laura – my yoga girlfriend - I honestly think I came here and I met my soul mate.  I don’t quite know why I came down to the pool that day during week 2 but it might have been one of the best decisions of my life.  Getting sick and not leaving the Radisson was less than enjoyable but nonetheless, it let me to you and my heart is already breaking as you are on your way back to Canada.  The caramello flatbread just isn’t as good.  It’s missing something; it’s missing you!  The border patrol better get used to seeing us because we are going to be spending quite a lot of time crossing back and forth!

Lascel -  my yoga husband – what can I say, you are such a goddamn goofball!  Not a day goes by where you don’t make me laugh… at least 100 times!  You are just so flippin’ awesome, even if you don’t like country music! I hate that England is so far away.  I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.  Other people might not understand the dynamic between the two of us, but you know what, they don’t have to!  You are one of the most genuine people I have ever met and the fact that you didn’t change your name before training goes to show that we were meant to be in the same posture clinic group… LUCKY is right!

Now that Teacher Training has run it’s course, I am going back to NH where I will make use of my brand new License to Kill.  Before that though, I want to explore another passion of mine… wine.  For the next week, I’m going to be driving up the coast and doing some wine touring before heading back home.  Stay tuned for the next chapter... 

Namaste!

“There are moments that mark your life, moments when you realize nothing will ever be the same, and time is divided into two parts – before this and after this.”